Jim McCaughan is obsessed with the idea of getting his hands on a fund of funds fund hedge fund

It's all he thinks about, morning, noon, and midnight (oh, midnight, the very worst time to think about such things, in my experience). It's a rather sordid affair. Obviously, Mr McCaughan is the chief executive of Principal Global Investors, but that's no excuse. The man should have more restraint, and a greater sense of decency. Everyone knows about it, this obsession. Has he no shame?Speaking

Yoel Zaoui is leaving Goldman Sachs, and retiring

I always get really sad when a top financial shaman feels he can't hack it any more. This one is called Yoel Zaoui and he is/was Goldman's co-head of M&A. (That's Mysticism and Assassinations, for those who aren't familiar with the terminology. Actually, it should just be MA, Mystical Assassinations. That would make more sense. But Goldman has its own way of doing things.) There's no need to

Me? I hardly know anything about Victoria Harling

And believe me, just believe, make the effort, just spinning now, I would like to know more about Victoria Harling[1], and Investec Asset Management has taken her away from Nomura, and lifted her up to the blue sky, and swirled her[1], and it's got to be more than three with a woman like this, a woman, a girl, a round, it's gotta go round and round, forever, I'd say[1], and it's supposed to be

BlueGold Capital has had enough, and it's going away

We'll never see it again. / What did the mysterious Stephen Jen know? That's what I want to know. Maybe he knew nothing. And he wasn't really all that mysterious was he? 'He wasn't mysterious at all!' Oh, you're right. He wasn't mysterious at all.I wish I were going away. I wish I were returning all the flesh and bones to all the people who put everything into my success. The sacrifices they made

Let's get Dan Carter round and round in rings like the fund manager from Jupiter that he is

And again, and it just so happens that I know it'll be more than three[1], and dizzy, dizzy Dan, all around, never stop it, we go[1], and Dan Carter came from outer space, Jupiter in fact, as long ago as 2008, and now he was an an-an-analyst for his sins[1], and it's something to do with Far Eastern equities teamwork glue he’s mixed up with[1], and repeat this until Dan is sick and begging for

Goldman Sachs

This is an example of conceptual literature where the idea behind the writing is more important than the actual writing. (You could also take a look at yesterday's post.) Enjoy!And you believe that the Goldman Sachs Group is a leading global investment banking, securities and investment management firm, of course, indeed, uh, and you know it, and you feel it, and you are Goldman's flower[1], and

Never be three

And there's so much fucking chaos everywhere[1], and words that don't make sense[1], and not that I care[1], and it could go on forever[1], and because I haven't got the power to stop it[1], and words that don't make sense[2], and there's so much pain hidden[1], and I'm stuck round and round in this hell[1], and repeat this until you're sick[1], and it just so happens that I hate them[1], and

Searchlight Capital Partners is doing all right, I suppose

Compared to poor Mr Bojangles, I mean. Nothing to complain about, like. Oh, it's doing better than all right. Searchlight Capital Partners has just closed its first fund with $860 million all piled up high to the sky. If this were cash on the ground, and all around, they would be rolling in it, I'm sure, Erol and the gang.We're talking Erol Uzumeri, Oliver Haarmann, and Eric Zinterhofer. They're

I promise to stop writing about music ...

... soon. Just not today, because I'm obsessed, frankly. And, frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.I might scrap Gilly Marie. I know I've been writing about it, and writing about it, until you're blue in the face, but it just ain't melodic enough. However, I have a new piece which is very melodic, and I'm thinking that I could call that song Gilly, Gilly. Not only would the song be solely about

Ian Hannam has been fined by the FSA, and so now he resigns ...

'My advice? Leave JPMorgan Cazenove. Those muthas don't appreciate you. What you need to do is get yourself into the desert. You'll be a new man in the desert. You will forget in the desert. You will see visions. Money will burn within you. Try it. What have you got to lose?'That's from August 2008. My advice to Ian Hannam. Did he listen? What do you think? Well, it's been more than three years

Damien Hirst is one of the greatest artists that has ever lived

There are only four artists I'm interested in. (I'm talking painting, sculpture, etc.) Pablo Picasso is my favourite artist (and hero). Then there's Marcel Duchamp, because he was so revolutionary. Then Damien Hirst. And then Francis Bacon. I haven't got time for anyone else. No one else has the visionary power and the image power of these four guys. (Well, maybe Warhol, but he doesn't really

References, real and imagined

It's easy to laugh at motivational guru Tony Robbins because he's very American and optimistic with loads of teeth. (I actually have very few teeth. It's the British way of doing things.) However, he does have some great ideas that will help you achieve stuff, providing you want help and are prepared to take action.In his book Awaken the Giant Within Robbins has written about references: 'How do

Nowhere is where we're gonna be

I say, Nowhere. I say, Nowhere. It's where we're gonna be. If it all goes well, if we can just get lost in our heads. And the idiots who think they know all about money won't be able to find us. When they think they see us flying naked through the sky, they won't know what's going on. (With their arrogance, they'll think they know.) They'll point and say: 'Oh my God! Idiots in the sky! How

It's Verboogen!

It's Philippe Verboogen who will be the new chief operating officer for eFront in Europe. eFront is somehow mixed up in software solutions for alternatives. I mean: 'eFront is a leading software provider of solutions dedicated to the financial industry with recognized expertise in alternative realities. eFront’s solutions serve major companies in the private equity, real-estate investment,

Gary Shaughnessy is leaving Fidelity

Or maybe he has already left. I feel sad. It's a real shame about Gary Shaughnessy. I never knew him. And now that he's gone or going, I'll never know him. Unless he turns up somewhere like Zurich. But what are the chances of that happening?It's tragic. This Gary guy had over twenty years experience in the financial services industry in roles spanning the general insurance, life and pensions,

Man Clarus: what in the name of Christ is it?

I really don't need this. It's a sunny day, and I've got to write about monsters? All right. I heard a voice (which is rare for me these days): 'Mr Fowke, they've finally done it. They've unleashed the Man Clarus.' And I didn't even know there was a Man Clarus.Man Clarus. 'Beware the Man Clarus!' Absolutely ridiculous. Who are they trying to impress? Man Group must be getting bloody desperate. A

Coutts fined £8.75 million by the FSA

The FSA - again?! Well, yes. Of course it's going to be the FSA. That dead shark is the only thing around here biting lumps out of people. We're not surprised. No one is surprised.What's this all about, for crying out loud?!'In October 2010, the FSA visited Coutts as part of its thematic review into banks' management of high money-laundering risk situations. Following that visit, the FSA’s

I ...

I've changed my mind. I'm back again. Or I will be back again, in the morning. The "I" has to be me, or what's the point, eh? It's personal. The only way to be.The reason I've changed my mind is because I've just watched the last ten minutes of my favourite film, Fandango.Do you understand? I hope so.

Jason Quinn will work for a hedge fund

Jason Quinn has left Barclays Capital. With words like a dead soul, the news is brought from somewhere. He traded. Soon, he will work at a hedge fund. Credit-default swaps. A secret frisson of delight. He will work at Caxton Associates. 'Caxton Associates and its affiliates currently manage approximately $9.7 billion in assets. The firm was founded in 1983 by Bruce Kovner.' Bruce has devoted

Whatever

This is going to be a big(gish) post about whatever. I'm going to write for some hours about whatever enters my head. I will post it late tonight, or early tomorrow morning. Whatever. It doesn't matter when I post it, does it?I've changed my mind again. I'm going to leave Gilly Marie off my demo. This means I will need to write another new song. The Beatles helped me decide, finally. I Saw Her

The Budget from Planet Bullingdon

A sort of science fiction horror film sort of thing, only it's real. I ain't got no problem with the top rate of tax going down to 45p. (I may be poor, but I intend to be rich.) So, the millionaires are sorted. But there wasn't much for anyone else, was there?This Budget combined with the slave labour programme they've got going has started me thinking there's a fair chance we're being ruled by *

Taylor Woods Capital Management is doing what they all do, eventually

Oh, I hate it when this happens! Taylor Woods is closing its Master fund at the end of the month because it has $1.3 billion now and doesn't want any more.George Taylor is running the show, of course. Apparently, he made his name with natural gas at Credit Suisse. It must have been very difficult for the poor sods who had to sit next to him. Some people have no consideration.It's still sunny. I

I need Andrew Loog Oldham to lock me in a kitchen

Yes, I'm writing about music again. You can sue me if you don't like it. I'll be writing about finance this afternoon, hedge funds and shit. But right now I'm writing about music because the sun is shining for the second day in a row and I'm feeling rather happy and I don't want money to bring me down, man.I've been thinking I might have to leave my Gilly Marie song off the demo. I know I

Oh my God! Now we've got Mitch Ackles to deal with!

Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, I discover that someone by the name of Mitch Ackles has become president of the Hedge Fund Association. 'As hedge funds become more mainstream, the hedge fund industry has a greater responsibility to help everyone understand its contributions to the financial markets.' That's the man himself! Speaking like a genuine human being! Not a thought-form

I wish I had the foggiest idea who Jeffrey Bunzel was

Jeffrey Bunzel is leaving Credit Suisse to join Deutsche Bank. He's actually joining the bank's equity capital markets group as a managing director and head of equity capital markets for the Americas. It sounds very exciting, and I'm happy for the guy, really happy. However, I haven't the foggiest idea who he is, this Bunzel, and I don't know anyone who knows who he is. Should we be concerned?